On Saturday morning, we'll be shipping out to the Caribbean for a week of being entirely off the grid and on the booze. Yes - for the first time in eight years, I will spend seven full days without touching a computer or cell phone and my posture is already cheering with delight.
But of course, this blog isn't just about me. I bet most of you have already tuned out because I haven't lured you in with adorable pictures of my puppies. WELL HOLD ON TO YOUR FACES BECAUSE I'M GETTING TO IT.
For this trip, I feel very lucky to have two great friends moving into the house who have foolishly agreed to tend to the needs of the wieners for over 170 hours.
Good luck - I say.
In addition to the standard 'feed now, walk here, drink often' orientation, I wanted to leave them a more insightful and tangible overview of what they're getting themselves into. And of course, I'm willing to open myself up to ridicule by sharing it with you:
- Theo needs boosts all the time. Please don't look at him from up on the couch while lovingly encouraging him to 'Jump! C'mon! Jump!'. That will only make you look like a jerk.
- Similarly, please remember to lift him back down. His post-nap happy won't last long if he's boring holes through the wall with his rage-eyes, waiting for you to help him off the bed for an hour.
- If he so much as sees his collar or a leash, he will start honking like a goose. This is normal. For us anyway.
- Should his Cute wear off after a few days and start to grate on you, just let the heat kick in and he'll make like a dachshund-skin rug on the nearest vent. You're welcome.
- Theo expresses joy through the repeated giving of high fives. You will love this and spend at least ten minutes doing so upon entering and leaving the home otherwise I'll think about calling off the whole trip because his little man high fives are enough to make my heart weep with glee.
- Yes. He is going to bark at you every time you come back from wherever you've been. But...he will make up for it by being your adorable little shadow after he settles down. It's called 'balance'.
- Do not assume that he will lose interest or tire himself out while playing fetch. Your arm will fall off and decompose before he willingly ends the play. Do yourself a favour and put the toy away.
- Calvin knows damn well how to wait patiently for food, sit at the top of the stairs while people come in, and lie on his big dog bed instead of your lap. That said, he will pretend not to.
- Don't let him kiss you on the face. I'd rather not get into why.
- Once he starts staring at you, running to the bedroom, coming back and staring at you some more, it's time for bed. Take the hint.
Friends
Posts
12 comments:
those poor babies will be spoiled rotten and you know it.
I can't always bend over to pick Isis up, especially since she immediately rolls over for a belly rub, so there are steps and stools everywhere. Big steps up to the bed. Max can jump on the sofa with no problem and jumps off like a paratrooper.
have a good time. drink lots and lots and don't worry about the babies. they'll be fine.
on another note- i saw the cutest doxie/black lab mix puppy today. 2 months old. i want one. NOW.
awww... can we see the high fives on video? Sounds so cute!
"- If he so much as sees his collar or a leash, he will start honking like a goose. This is normal. For us anyway."
Rusty starts squealing like a pig. Our neighbours probably think we abuse our dogs...he makes SO much noise. Haha
Mine bark. They don't make other animal noises. LOL No sound effects specialists in our doggie family.
Hahaha love the orientation into dachshund-sitting. They are such special little creatures! I am sure they will have a blast with their caretakers!
Have a great trip too! Sounds very exciting!!!
Mocha (my dachshund) likes to use a series of high pitched whinnies not unlike a horse who has laryngitis to indicate her interest in or displeasure with a range of items. The super secret short cut to turn off down the volume? Food... pretty much of any variety.
How Calvin asks to go to bed? That's how Ike asks for bed, too. And food. And potty. And pretty much everything else. :)
PS: I need a high five video, too.
You should have them document their week with the puppies!
I third the vote for a high-five video! Sounds so cute!
My dachshund (Button) knows the word "potty" so we can ask "Do you have to go potty?" and if she jumps down and starts wagging her whole butt, we know she's gotta go. She's also very quiet, hardly barks. She doesn't fetch. But she's the best cuddler ever!
You are my kinda man Calvin - do you have a girl friend? I am unattached at the moment.
Um, I thought that Dachshund orientation took several hours and concluded with a comprehensive essay exam that had to be passed with a 100% score. I only wish I could rely on 5 bullet statements!
Yes, our dog will let loose with unholy vocalizations when a human touches his harness and leash. Truly unholy.
Must see high five video also.
Hope you remember something enjoyable about your vacation!!
Love the instructions. Everyone knows you need to walk and feed dachshunds; your instructions cover the important stuff.
Post a Comment