[Tofu took time out of his busy schedule to interview an Etsy artist who recently launched a new line of hand-crafted cards called "Doxie Love is Peculiar." The artist, Wry & Ginger, has kindly donated a complete set for giveaway on the site. All you have to do is comment here or tweet using the hashtag #doxielove and complete the sentence "Doxie Love is Peculiar because..." and you'll be entered to win. Contest closes November 27 at midnight EST.]

Welcome to Who's Your Dachshund. First, I wanted to address what's on everyone's mind: whose handsome silhouette did you use as a model for your "Doxie Love is Peculiar" line of cards?

Good question, Soya. It’s this hot piece called Theo. You seen him? He’s off the chain!

Yep, he’s been running up and down some cul-de-sac like a fool. If they catch him, let me know.


Why doxies and why now?

I am a woman of many talents, one of which is trend-whoring. When bunnies were the rage, I did bunnies. When it was foxes, I went for it like an inbred, English aristocrat. You know the sort…always wearing jodhpurs and with an toothy overbite so extreme they could eat an apple through a letterbox?

So now the wind is blowing in a direction that whiffs of fritos, the words build inside me, and I say these words as a prayer, as regret, as praise, I say “wiener dogs, wiener dogs.”

That’s the process really.

Your work includes some biting humour from the mouths of animals. Why did you decide you use spokes-animals to send these messages?

I don’t use them, Hotdog, they use me. I am The drum on which Dog is beating out His messages. You should all perhaps take heed that these messages involve what a bunch of douchebags you all are. Take. Heed.

What's your favourite item in your Etsy shop and why?

Like most fine artistes, I loathe not only myself, but all work that springs from within me. I would burn all the work I have done but for the need of the clamouring masses. I am the Ian Curtis of the novelty animal stationery world.

From where do you draw inspiration for your cards?

It’s a delicate combination of memories from my excruciating childhood coupled with gallons and gallons of Boones.

What's the most interesting feedback/story you've received about your work?

I once got feedback from a woman who had been left a laminated “You park like a Jackass” card on their car. She used my website on the back of the card to contact me. In a rather long and rambling note, she let me know that getting this card on the windshield of her double-parked, gas guzzling, 72 Bowtail with the shiny 550’s and kickin’ hydraulics really made her think about her life and how what she did affected others. And that woman? It was Elizabeth May, who went on to be the leader of the Green Party of Canada. Hand to God.

What was your relationship with animals like as a child? Did you have any passive aggressive pets growing up?

We had about 6 cats in succession, all called Smokey, who all tired of our nomadic military life and split. OR SO MY FATHER CLAIMS. And then there was Lucky the dog, who my dad took to ‘a farm’ while my mother, sister and I were away on vacation. I’M ON TO YOU, FATHER. And then there was Duchess, who these days would likely be called a shitzacockapoo or some such stupidity, but who was hardcore to the bone. That little fluff ball did not play. Let me just say this…you would not want to be the fool who had the puppet on your hand when she trotted into the room. She would f**k your fingers up.

Will we be seeing more doxies in your work in the future?

I dunno, Bean Curd…am I going to hear the rustle of crisp Sir Wilf’s sliding into my pocket?

You recently had the opportunity to provide food and lodging to me. How life-altering was that experience for you?

You want me to rate that experience in terms of before or after you peed on my duvet? Didn’t tell your mom about that, did you Soy Bean? I didn’t think so.

Is there anything you'd like to say to my fans?

Jesus God, people, buy my sh*t. That Boone’s is not paying for itself.