1) Take an ice cube, tape it to my nose, and jam it into their armpits.
2) Use my body to make it perfectly clear that I can only sleep exactly where their limbs rest. I'm talking UNDER that leg.
3) Take ear-sized leather flaps and whip them back and forth on their faces just to let them know that I'm awake.
4) Repeat #2 with something tail sized.
5) Shove. Hard. Using both feet AND hands.
6) Show them what it's like to wake up with someone snout-deep in your ear.
7) Kiss them on the cheeks all cute like...then throw up next to their faces.
8) Loudly drink out of their water dish until they wake up, leaving them to wonder how many other times I've done that.
9) Work up a supernatural level of heat yet demand to sleep on top of them.
10) Wake them up urgently, demand that they follow me to the bathroom, and then refuse to pee until I've sniffed everything and waited to see if they would make me breakfast first.
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26 comments:
I cracked up laughing when I got to no5! Lila totally does that...and keep kicking until I move!
BAHAHahahahahhahahahahahaha!!!
TRUE STORY!!!
One for me: Sleep horizontally on the bed, as to take up as much room as possible.
LOVE THIS! THANK YOU FOR THE LAUGH!!
; - P
Bridget
Numbersnotinvited.com
we've had more than our share of shovin from the little Bax. but boy is he a welcome heat generator in the winter!! :)
but the throwing up - oy!
Ben - I adore you and your dogs... and you'll be happy to know you're not alone! Your puppies aren't the only ones that do these things! Maybe we can start a support group or something!
Hahaha! That's an awesome list, Ben!
My faves are #1 and #7.
Hilarious.
I love #5 and #10.
Both way too freaking true....
This is hysterical. And so true! Thanks for sharing!
So freaking funny! Thank goodness Kobe is a huge lazy ass and I have to wake him up everyday otherwise he would sleep the day away! :)
best. post. ever.
SO true! You forgot to add in something about pouncing on their rib cages, cutting off their air supply, while licking em in the face! My blue dapple does that.ALL.THE.d@mn.TIME.
But those are just a few of the reasons why we love them (esp. #10).
I laughed at all of this. Support group, I'm up for that and #10 the worst offense, especially when it's reallllly early in the morning and the mosquitos are biting you ( I live in Florida and the humidity is a killer along with unwanted mosquitos) and waiting for them to do it.... Soooo fustrating.
Ok, I'm calming down. Everyday seems like groundhog day.
love them, though...
That picture is hilarious. Like they're so very innocent.
Uh huh, sure.
I would say adding something about breathing horrendously stinky breath in their faces but they'd probably like that. Otherwise this list is oh so true and reading it makes me realize having a dachshund is a particular experience only other dachshund owners can understand.
This was hilarious - and so, so true. Fantastic, Ben!
HILARIOUS!
I just read this at work- I work nights and it made me miss my dogs! This is Anne btw- (JavaQueen) I've moved on.
OMG this is too funny!! Yet, so true!!
One for me: Run full speed at the bed and launch myself directly on my dog's vagina or lungs. How she manages to hit one of those spots EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I will never know. Demon...
hahahaha - that is so true!!
Nicole: Damn dachshunds...
Bridget: Ah yes - the horizontal sleep. What the hell is that all about anyway?
Kaylxcorn: I love the heat in the winter too. Right now? Not as much.
MsSalti: You're looking at it!
Cole: Thanks!
Blue-eyed: Favourite or most hated?
Mel: In a bad, bad way.
Darlene: My pleasure!
Kellie: My boys will sleep as long as there are no toys about.
Mermanda: So spill. Luke can't be ALL that perfect.
StateofGrace: Good point!
Bludog: You said it!
ShareWorldLove: Ugh. The bugs here in the spring and summer are out of control too.
Anon: They have no idea why I might be frustrated that they're lying in my space.
Lesleyap: Wonderful, ain't it?
Lauren: Thanks!
Frankie: Hahaha thank you
Moodswingmabel: See...I miss them if they're not there bugging me too.
Ambar: Too true.
JustAGirl: Dachshunds have pointy snouts. I so hear you.
Monkey: We thought so!
ROLF! Thankfully mine get off the bed and throw up in the floor. Or way under the covers so I can stick my foot it in. No. 10 my oldest has been doing that a lot lately,drives me crazy especially when I have to go to work early in the AM.
Great post!
Erin, Bubbles and Texas - The Dachshunds
Thanks for a great laugh, Ben! I'd like wake Coco up in the middle night so that she can tuck me in. =)
Funniest I have read in ages. So true. Laughed so hard my shoulders were shaking.
totally made me laugh out loud.
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