[Tofu took time out of his busy schedule to interview an Etsy artist who recently launched a new line of hand-crafted cards called "Doxie Love is Peculiar." The artist, Wry & Ginger, has kindly donated a complete set for giveaway on the site. All you have to do is comment here or tweet using the hashtag #doxielove and complete the sentence "Doxie Love is Peculiar because..." and you'll be entered to win. Contest closes November 27 at midnight EST.]

Welcome to Who's Your Dachshund. First, I wanted to address what's on everyone's mind: whose handsome silhouette did you use as a model for your "Doxie Love is Peculiar" line of cards?

Good question, Soya. It’s this hot piece called Theo. You seen him? He’s off the chain!

Yep, he’s been running up and down some cul-de-sac like a fool. If they catch him, let me know.


Why doxies and why now?

I am a woman of many talents, one of which is trend-whoring. When bunnies were the rage, I did bunnies. When it was foxes, I went for it like an inbred, English aristocrat. You know the sort…always wearing jodhpurs and with an toothy overbite so extreme they could eat an apple through a letterbox?

So now the wind is blowing in a direction that whiffs of fritos, the words build inside me, and I say these words as a prayer, as regret, as praise, I say “wiener dogs, wiener dogs.”

That’s the process really.

Your work includes some biting humour from the mouths of animals. Why did you decide you use spokes-animals to send these messages?

I don’t use them, Hotdog, they use me. I am The drum on which Dog is beating out His messages. You should all perhaps take heed that these messages involve what a bunch of douchebags you all are. Take. Heed.

What's your favourite item in your Etsy shop and why?

Like most fine artistes, I loathe not only myself, but all work that springs from within me. I would burn all the work I have done but for the need of the clamouring masses. I am the Ian Curtis of the novelty animal stationery world.

From where do you draw inspiration for your cards?

It’s a delicate combination of memories from my excruciating childhood coupled with gallons and gallons of Boones.

What's the most interesting feedback/story you've received about your work?

I once got feedback from a woman who had been left a laminated “You park like a Jackass” card on their car. She used my website on the back of the card to contact me. In a rather long and rambling note, she let me know that getting this card on the windshield of her double-parked, gas guzzling, 72 Bowtail with the shiny 550’s and kickin’ hydraulics really made her think about her life and how what she did affected others. And that woman? It was Elizabeth May, who went on to be the leader of the Green Party of Canada. Hand to God.

What was your relationship with animals like as a child? Did you have any passive aggressive pets growing up?

We had about 6 cats in succession, all called Smokey, who all tired of our nomadic military life and split. OR SO MY FATHER CLAIMS. And then there was Lucky the dog, who my dad took to ‘a farm’ while my mother, sister and I were away on vacation. I’M ON TO YOU, FATHER. And then there was Duchess, who these days would likely be called a shitzacockapoo or some such stupidity, but who was hardcore to the bone. That little fluff ball did not play. Let me just say this…you would not want to be the fool who had the puppet on your hand when she trotted into the room. She would f**k your fingers up.

Will we be seeing more doxies in your work in the future?

I dunno, Bean Curd…am I going to hear the rustle of crisp Sir Wilf’s sliding into my pocket?

You recently had the opportunity to provide food and lodging to me. How life-altering was that experience for you?

You want me to rate that experience in terms of before or after you peed on my duvet? Didn’t tell your mom about that, did you Soy Bean? I didn’t think so.

Is there anything you'd like to say to my fans?

Jesus God, people, buy my sh*t. That Boone’s is not paying for itself.

I can't tell you how many times that ad has thrown me through about 4093 different emotions in a mere thirty seconds. So, when we were asked to help promote its incredible cause, it was a no brainer.

Iams Home 4 The Holidays is attempting to get 1.5 million animals adopted before January 4, 2010. Sound crazy? It's not. Last year they surpassed their goal of 1 million animals in just three months including Rumi, adopted by the program's 2009 ambassador Hilary Swank.


You see, there are around eight million homeless animals right now in the United States and close to half of them are scheduled to be euthanized due to overcrowding. If you're planning on bringing a pet into your home over the holidays, please consider adopting from your local shelter. You'll receive a complimentary IH4TH kit folder and DVD with tips on introducing a new pet to your home. You should also know that over 25% of dogs in shelters are purebreds.

For the rest of us, we can help by spreading the word and keeping informed. There's a shiny new badge available that we're sporting in our right sidebar and you can follow the campaign on Twitter, Facebook and of course through IH4TH.com.

You can also vote daily for your favourite shelter through Feed Pets In Need which provides these organizations with the food they need to keep caring for so many homeless animals.

Mike Arms, president of the Helen Woodward Animal Center, founded IH4TH with support by Iams in 1999 with just 14 participating animal shelters in San Diego County. Since then the program has grown worldwide helping over 3 million pets find homes within the past decade. The 2008 IH4TH ambassador was Felicity Huffman of Desperate Housewives.

This coming December, I will have been a dog owner for two full years including 18 months of being a multiple-dog household. Additionally, despite it being perfectly clear and well-known to all of you, those two dogs are miniature dachshunds. I say this only because all the dachshund owners and lovers will immediately feel this story on a deeper level.
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When we go to work in the morning, we leave Calvin and Theo in their own bedroom. They have blankets, crates, toys, water, pillows and soothing green walls to let them reach their inner zen while we're gone. *cough SPOILED cough*. For a little over a year, this suited them juuuuuust fine.

Then, in typical dachshund fashion, it simply would. not. do.

We started coming home to accidents. Pee puddles the size of the Pacific, if you must know. We weren't leaving them alone any longer than usual. They were still being walked just as often. Nothing had changed. Except something had.

The Rules of the Dachshund-Human Cohabitation Agreement had changed.

Whether we left them in there for eight hours or 90 minutes, we would end up scrubbing. So...we started leaving them out in the house if we'd run to the gym or movies. Everything would be fine. No mess, no destruction, no injuries.

From there, we did a trial run of leaving them both out, all day, while we went to work.

And wouldn't you know it that everything was fine!

Oh yes...the message was delivered loud and clear. They weren't sick. They weren't regressing in housebrokenness. They were just being dachshunds who knew what they wanted.

I feel bad not picking up on their point sooner. But on the other hand, neither has learned to 'roll over' despite MY best efforts LET'S JUST CALL IT EVEN.

Ok, please forgive that this post is a week late, but Thor and Fred and I had a great weekend at the DFW Dachshund Club earthdog trials!

This was our 3rd weekend of earthdog, the first being a year ago. All the judges have been so helpful, and many have said that earthdogs are made, not born. It may be true, but Fred's definitely a natural. We have a storage shed in our back yard, and before I blocked it off with bricks, Fred would dig under in pursuit of heaven only knows what. He'd even push bricks aside to go under - a skill required in the highest level of earthdog! After reinforcement with cinder blocks, the shed is now Fred-proof, but not those tunnels!

I mentioned he needed one Q for his Junior Earthdog title and he got it on Saturday. So happy! He even got a little toy rat as the prize for his title.



A week later the rat toy is still alive and a valued commodity here. I think he is very proud of it!



Sunday, we got to try Senior Earthdog for the first time. Everyone says this is the hardest test because of the recall. Yes, after your dog works the rats, you must call him out of the tunnel and have him under control within 90 seconds! Fred has never had any formal training, which is kind of a shame, but we do a lot of recalls in everyday life and he is rewarded well for them. I figured he'd either do it right away, or he wouldn't at all.

We waited to head to the tunnel and I could tell he was excited. You have to release the dog 20 feet from the entrance, and the entrance is banked so it's not visible from the release point. No problems for Fred - he went right in. He works quietly at first, just scratching, so I wasn't sure if he'd made it to the rats. But then the rat steward gave me a thumbs up and indicated he was scratching. Then, he started a cute little howl-bark! Thor has a very distinct bark he uses when he is barking at a squirrel or rat, but Fred hadn't made this kind of noise before, so it was funny to hear!

They have to work for 90 seconds, and then they remove the rats from the tunnel. When that's done, you hear the words: "Please recall your dog." I got to the entrance and called Fred, promised him some cookies, and banged on the tunnel. In senior there's another exit than just the main entrance, and dogs can and do come out of it. Turns out, Fred came out pretty quickly from the back, and I was down there looking at the front entrance as he was trotting around above ground. Finally I looked up and saw him! I caught him and the judge and rat steward had a good laugh about it, and I did too. Luckily we were within time, but they said they were holding their breath hoping I'd see him! Good old Fred - dumb newbie handler. We need two more Senior Qs for the SE title, then onto the highest level - Master Earthdog!



Thor surprised me at these tests, in a good way. In our previous attempts, he'd been excited about rats, but unsure about the tunnels. He'd go in, take a look, and come back out. Can't Q that way! I entered him in the Intro test, a very short tunnel, as well as Junior, just for the extra practice. He also hates being picked up, a requirement, so it was a good chance to work that too.

We were one of the first Intro dogs on Saturday and the closer we got to the pasture where the tunnel was, the crazier Thor got. Like, maniac, crazytown, dragging me toward the tunnel, whining at it. Had never seen him like that before, but I guess we had that "light bulb moment" at the last trial because he went right in the tunnel, and worked right away, and quite well, for a Q! Thor is LOUD in general, but especially in the rat tunnels. He barks and barks and digs. In his JE test on Sunday, he also had the judge laughing because he was thumping his tail so hard against the wooden tunnel!

We didn't Q in Junior on Saturday because he was a little slow getting to the rats, but he worked them very well, the judge said. I was still really happy with him - that was HUGE progress, and best yet, we had the next day to try again. Try we did, and he got his first Junior Q!!!!!! I honestly never thought he would, but now I'm confident he can go all the way. The judge on Sunday called him a "most excellent worker!"



I look like a super nerd in the above pic, but if you notice, Thor is fighting me with everything he's got. The rats were 50-plus feet away, in a solid container, and he KNEW. I think the breeze was just right that weekend to carry the smells. Thor is now officially a rat maniac - a good thing, as long as you aren't a rat!

I am so proud of my hounds, most especially because they are rescues. Most of the dachshunds at the trials come from generations of dogs with titles and championships, but mine were at one point in their lives homeless. Now they are loved and they win beautiful ribbons!



Can't wait till our next trial - there's another one here in February. If you are in the U.S., you can find AKC earthdog events online. Try it - you may be surprised at how fun it is!